I don't intend for this to sound rude, hateful or pissy in any way, but it's just what's rolling off my fingertips and I'm tired of keeping it pent up.
As much as I've held off on saying this, this probably really needs to come out: You're kind of ridiculous. Yes, you. This is ridiculous.
No, I do not want you to message/comment me via MySpace, LiveJournal or Facebook, text me, call me, send me a letter or write about me anymore. I really just want this to be over.
Why wasn't I such an important friend when you talked or wrote about me? I don't think you know enough to have a license to do that. I'm not a baby at sixteen and I'm not oblivious. Maybe it's another joke I just don't understand. Really, the whole practically becoming estranged and rather strained relationship gave me a lot of time to think on things, I guess. And I'm sorry it came down to it like this, and I can't take chances and crap like this anymore, that's just how life rolls. I realized the whole 'Talk to Sam about Avery' and 'Talk to Avery about Sam' or even Taylor thing. Isn't that "childish and immature"? It's pretty lame to try and tell people what's best for them and what they should do - obviously you can't control their lives. If you could, then there really would't be a point in human beings, and part of living is changing and maybe that's just what happened.
I really feel like this sudden jump to get me back is sketchy and weird, and it totally makes me uncomfortable and frustrated, especially at a REALLY busy time for me. You said I never gave you this 'chance' to explain yourself to me... if you wanted to desperately explain yourself that bad, you could've texted or called before it got this separated. Yeah, I know I don't take the initiative to call, but I just don't, with anyone. And that's just how I am, so if you feel the need to get upset over that, well, that's a really lame reason. Sorry I'm just too anxious to place a phone call.
It's really lame how you say you hate the "high school/middle school drama" that "Avery causes" or starts up, and you know what? I just realized that you do that stuff enough yourself. Twisting words and leaving angry voicemails and harrassment via IM or getting angry and beaten up IRL over RPGs? Not cool, dude. That girl is so amazing, you don't even know. You wronged her way too many times and I also realized I don't like having friends that disrespect my other friends or belittle them in some way, shape, or form.
"I'm going to go"/"It's best if i was left alone right now"/"I just don't want to be your friend anymore"/"This is creeping me out" are not synonymous requests to "Send me another IM and/or a text message."
So you can be upset or angry or hate me or be miserable or whatever you please, but you know how you gave me all those "tests" to see if I'd start a scene with you? I gave you a test to see how much you actually cared, and a month is a little too much time for me to believe it. That night I IMed you after you asked to talk again was just awkward. How can I start a conversation when I don't get anything to feed off of? I can't. Sorry if you're with your friends, or busy, or not in the mood, but you need to say that so I don't feel like a jackass. I really am sorry about your grandfather, but what else can I do when you just don't respond to me for 10-40 minutes? I mean, I figure I might as well give up and let you have your thoughts to yourself, I'm not gonna force anything because that's not who I am. And actually I DO know what crap like that feels like. You're not the only victim and I realize I'm guilty of wrong doing too, but I should've seen this coming a long time ago.
If it makes you happy to keep talking about me, go on ahead, because at least you've got my name in your mouth. If things just get twisted up even more, maybe it's just best to stop. I'm done with this. I'm going to go have a life now and I needed to get that out.
Like I said, if you want to go be angry or miserable over this, go ahead because I just give up and have for a while. And, as Pixie Acia said, the only way for me to fully explain how I feel is to walk you through all this step by step but you'd probably think it's bull shit. And like Fall Out Boy says, the best of us can find happiness in misery.